The first noble truth states that “Life is suffering” or if you want a more diluted version “In life there is suffering”. The second noble truth says that suffering has a cause. What is the cause of suffering? It is attachment. When a close friend dies we experience loss, suffering. It is because we are clinging to the dead person, we are remaining attached. That person is no longer here yet we remain attached. If we let them go we are frightened that we will lose them forever so we cling to them . This clinging causes suffering. We need to let them go. What is this “letting go”? It is the realisation that all things are impermanent. They have a beginning a middle and an end. This is true for things as well as people. We need to let go of the dead person
Loss is a terrible thing especially the loss of a loved one. Its not like the loss of a thing which “might turn up” it is permanent. This is real loss.
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am
not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The
same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness,
the yawning. I keep on swallowing.
At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or
concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between
the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says.
Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is
so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me.
I dread the moments when the house is empty. If
only they would talk to one another and not to me.
The book is worth a read.
And then we can wallow in our feelings, which is not a good thing. It is self indulgent and makes us neglectful of our live companions.